


MURDER AT THE SAUSAGE FESTIVAL

by SANS_TITRE



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Absurd, Dialogue Heavy, Funny, Humor, Light-Hearted, Short One Shot, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 20:45:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14880909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SANS_TITRE/pseuds/SANS_TITRE
Summary: Takumi and Hinoka are headed towards the world famous sausage festival, but their fun is ruined... by a sudden murder.It's my first fire emblem fic without Laslow, what the hell is going on





	MURDER AT THE SAUSAGE FESTIVAL

In a galaxy far far away, Takumi was painting his nails. Why, you may ask. He was getting ready for the sausage festival - his favorite annual meeting.  
Suddenly, the phone rang.  
TAKUMI : What a surprising surprise!  
He didn't pick up.  
The phone rang a second time.  
TAKUMI : Nope. I'm not answering it. Not this time.  
The phone rang for the third time. Someone knocked on the door, and then on his face.  
TAKUMI : Ouch.  
HINOKA : Damn it brother! Why won't you answer my calls?  
TAKUMI : It's a secret.  
HINOKA : I hope you're ready. The festival should start soon. I heard the Nohrians will be there.  
TAKUMI : I hate them fuckers!  
HINOKA : Language!  
TAKUMI : I hate... those fuckers?  
HINOKA : Much better. Now let's run before we get wet.  
They run, except they are not wearing any shoes and the floor is made of pickles.  
HINOKA : I should have brought a jacket.  
TAKUMI : You have. You are literally wearing eleven jackets, right now!  
HINOKA : Yeah but none that _matter_ you see.  
TAKUMI : I don't. Because I'm blind.  
HINOKA : You weren't blind a minute ago. What happened?  
TAKUMI : I think I got... stabbed.  
XANDER : Oh right, I apologize for the inconvenience. I was just strolling around, and I didn't realize I was holding my sword with my two hands and shoving it in people's faces as they went.  
TAKUMI : It's all right bro. It happens.  
HINOKA : Especially on opposite day.  
XANDER : Is it opposite day today?  
HINOKA : Why, yes I think.  
XANDER : Dear lord, this changes everything!  
TAKUMI : What do you mean?  
XANDER : Well, me and my siblings were planning to assassinate you two, Ryoma and Sakura as well. It was supposed to be a surprise attack.  
TAKUMI : In the middle of the sausage festival? You prick.  
XANDER : But since it's opposite day, that means YOU'RE gonna be the ones assassinating us! Oh no!  
TAKUMI : Hahaha! In your face, butthead!  
HINOKA : Oh come on, no one is getting murdered today. We don't want to ruin the sausage festival, do we?  
TAKUMI : It's opposite day!  
XANDER : Damn it, I don't want to die.  
HINOKA : You had better not plan our assassination then, brat.  
XANDER : I have a question though!  
TAKUMI : Ask away.  
XANDER : Well, the thing is. If we had... had it not been opposite day, if we had murdered you... would you have... defended yourselves?  
TAKUMI : Of course. Who do you think we are?  
XANDER : Perfect! (He stabs Takumi in the chest). I'm you! Look! I'm defending myself!  
TAKUMI : Ouch. I'm being stabbed.  
HINOKA : But... we haven't attacked yet!  
XANDER : Ooops.  
TAKUMI : Jeez. Moron. (He collapses)  
HINOKA : Brother... I'm so glad you're dead!  
XANDER : What the hell... what kind of a sister _are_ you?  
HINOKA : It's opposite day, remember? I'm just doing my role.  
XANDER : If it's opposite day, then... does that mean the sausage festival becomes the... errr... the vegetarian meat festival... or something?  
HINOKA : Probably.  
XANDER : Disgusting.  
TAKUMI : Not as disgusting as a murderer, though.  
XANDER : You're supposed to be dead!  
TAKUMI : But what day is it, today?  
XANDER : Oh no! (He turns into a pineapple).


End file.
